The chronicle of a changing heart.

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Testimony. That’s a word I never really understood, and I also never understood why it’s so important to hear another person’s story, their commitment to Jesus.

Really, I wasn’t much of a religion fan so I wasn’t too keen on listening anyways.

But I allowed myself to be dragged to church a few months ago and found an entire building filled with others who aren’t fans of religion either.

They’re fans of changing the world.

So my heart started softening and I started doing a little more praying, and I actually started to see my life as a conduit for love and goodness that could potentially save another person’s life.

I let go and let God, as they say.
And then something strange happened. The anxiety I’ve had since I was five just up and disappeared. I no longer had my depressive episodes, the night terrors where I spun out of my body and literally felt a terrifying presence with me in the room, telling me all sorts of vicious things. I no longer woke up wanting to kill myself and feeling like a failure as a wife and mother because all I wanted to do was disappear.

I know love now. And no, I’m not perfect, but my soul feels that way. I wake up now with a peaceful joy like a veil’s been lifted off my eyes, and I can actually see through the darkness that used to suffocate me.

Maybe this makes sense. Maybe it doesn’t. All I know is that it’s my truth, and I finally understand the importance of sharing it.
I no longer lament the darkness that tortured me, especially if it can be used to heal another person’s heart.

#testimony #christianity #love #hope #god #jesus #truth #twitter #wp

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. Jain says:

    I think this is the most beautiful thing I’ve read in a long time. It takes bravery for a “hardened heart” such as ours to let go and let god, right? I mean, we KNOW it’s true. It just has to be the right timing, and you found yours! I think that’s awesome.
    So, thanks for sharing your testimony.
    I actually commented on a post that doesn’t relate to this one, however it DOES tie into it (like a second cousin, of sorts). Anyway, I commented that I happened to miss the things about organized religion such as hymns and tradition and testimony. – Jain

    Like

    1. Ericka Clay says:

      Thank you, Jain. There’s so many beautiful things about God’s word and the people that intend to live it. I read the post you’re speaking about and your comment. “Christians” were also the reason I didn’t want to be Christian. Phony people, phony promises. But then I realized that my trust in the Lord has nothing to do with what other people choose to do with their lives. And the crazy fact is, the bible actually talks about people who tote the Christian label but don’t actually live a Christ-filled life. And trust me, the outcome isn’t looking too good for them! ๐Ÿ™‚ I hope you find your peace and don’t give up the faith. You have so much good in you, Jain, and the very fact that you’ve read this post and it resonates with you is saying something. Be sure to listen because you are very much worth it. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

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