Saying goodbye to myself.

 

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I have a board on #pinterest I named “This is me.” It’s a rather dark board that dances between the concepts of being an overly vulnerable writer type to a “I don’t give two piles of human feces” individual who likes her vodka and her potty words and doesn’t need you or your nonsense.

I was going to delete it, but I didn’t.

Instead, I renamed it “This used to be me.” And then I sat back and said a prayer of gratitude.

There’s a lot of bitterness on the Internet. There a lot of people who are mad at the world and feel God has forsaken them. It’s easy to drink the poison, point fingers, live in our shells and block out the nasty, vile world.

It’s hard to find your place in it, realize you are part of the problem and exchange your old heart for a new one.

But it can be done.
I remember a while back I wrote a post about our daughter talking to Jesus even though I had cut God out of my life. I included an old school picture of Jesus knocking on a door and I captioned it “Knock, knock. Who’s there? Jesus!!” Because I thought it would be hilarious. And now I see the truth in it.

He is there. Waiting. Watching as we grow more bitter and sling our “eff you’s” at a world in which we’ve given up hope. He could help if we’re willing to sacrifice our pride for the good of others. It’s just a matter of opening up the door and most importantly, keeping it open even when it’s difficult.

I left the board up as a reminder: a hardened heart is a scared heart. And the next time I see someone else crying out this way, I’ll listen. Because bitter used to be my favorite flavor, too.

#change #love #bitter #christianity #truth #writerslife #writerofinstagram
#writersofig #blogger #ontheblog #blog #twitter #wp

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6 thoughts on “Saying goodbye to myself.”

  1. Ericka,

    I think self soothing raunchy can coexist with gentler layers of self discovery…at least in your expressive art. I appreciate the shift you are experiencing…even though my warp tracks decently for me. You seem dedicated to a new path and I’m interested in your ongoing resolution.

    Mark

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree, too, as far as my writing goes, but for the first time, I’m writing to soothe others’ inner demons instead of my own. I definitely agree that art should reveal truth, even if that truth is ugly. But I’m now taking very seriously the added element of healing others with my words. It’s been an adventure, and a process of putting myself out there that I’m not used, at least not in this way. But I’m finding the transformative power in it.

      I really appreciate your support, Mark. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I have a stock response to people who are being stupid or trying to upset me. I point at myself and say, ‘This is me looking worried.’

    The internet’s full of jerks who won’t be told that ‘Hey you’re wrong. Here’s the evidence that you’re wrong.’ Their response is less equable than mine tends to be. I can be a jerk, but I’ll admit if I’m wrong.

    That’s the non-believer point of view, to ensure balance.

    😉

    Liked by 1 person

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