2/4/2019 Devotional

And Joshua made peace with them and made a covenant with them, to let them live, and the leaders of the congregation swore to them.

Joshua 9:15

There was a moment I had with God once where I was sure I’d never get in my own way.

Another lie I told myself.

But I was sure nothing and no one would come between me and the God who saved me.

Obviously, I wasn’t giving myself enough credit.

Failing is as easy as walking up the stairs for me. I can be in public, maybe a field trip with our home school co-op, and every detail is stacking up my spine like individual hands ready to break bone.

Too many people. Too many colors and sound. But mainly: too many people.

I never feel good enough. I always feel out of place.

Very few times in my life have I found people I truly connect with. Like, seriously, maybe a handful.

And then there is the next tier down, the people I may never be absolute soul mates with but at least we can carry on a comfortable conversation.

Everyone else? They terrify me.

The more I pray, search my soul, I know this is a me problem, not a them problem.

I think maybe the Lord is giving me opportunities to rely on him when I’m battling the grocery store aisles and feel like I can’t peel everyone’s eyes off my skin.

Anxiety. It’s not the easiest of bed mates.

But I remember what I can’t do, He can. And I close my eyes and pray for a clear sense of me. To remember that I’m carved the same way as the woman with the perfect hair and nicely put together outfit.

I just like to think I have more flair. Ha.

God knows me, though, the beat of my heart, the thrumming of blood through my veins.

He will not forsake me. He will never let me go.

Dear Lord,

I am grateful to have You in situations where life is difficult to bear. Please continue to be with me and those of us who have anxiety issues, ever battling this world with a quickened heartbeat and inner judgmental voice. Please let us remember that You are the only voice that matters and that You truly love us, failures and all.

TODAY’S READING: Joshua 9


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