You only live forever.

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You don’t only live once, you live a lifetime times seventy-seven and will walk eternal. And the dark quiet void of the universe isn’t talking to you, but God is certainly beating His fist against your breastbone. And you can “self-care” all you want, putting your oxygen mask on first, but a hot bath and a candle can never replace the Holy Spirit.

And I can be absorbed within the realms of American culture, but here’s the thing: I won’t.

I’ve always been an odd duck. I remember one time staging a slight coup where I made my two best friends sit with me at another table while I looked Stacey McStevens hard in the eye. I was tired of being on the fringe of the popular group. I was tired with the idea of popular. I wanted to slice through the cord that still tethered me to the divisive ways of middle school social constructs.

I wanted out. And God has always known that about me.

Jesus culture is an upside down place, a kingdom where up is down and down is up. You humble yourself to be elevated. You bend a knee to save a heart. It is not “me first,” but you before me always, and it is so counter to American culture, it makes my soul sing.

I am tired of this place on so many levels. And the idea of swallowing a new wayward, misleading catchphrase of the week like popping a pill is akin to digging out a bad tooth with a spoon.

I’m good, you guys.

What’s more heartbreaking is seeing people I love and respect fall prey to the outside world. But there’s always something about their faces. Their eyes that are looking out at me like a scared child planting their face against a window. That look, the “I’m okay with this because they tell me I should be okay with this.”

But friend, you don’t have to be okay with this.

Stand up, stare hard, and go sit where God wants you.


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