Embracing scary…again.

Not too long ago, I recorded a diary entry where I talk about embracing scary as a writer. This “scary” for me was leaving Amazon KDP forever to start my own bookshop on my website. I then backtracked and decided that was a bit too scary and left my books on Amazon.

But I’ve never felt settled there, and I think the main issue is that KDP gives you this nice little screen where you can see your book sales, and I’m just not into that anymore. As I’ve opened up all the doors and windows of my life and have asked God to take over every inch of it, I’m learning more and more about my sinful tendencies. And one of those tendencies is to see results ASAP.

Results aren’t necessarily bad. Assessing where you are in a process isn’t bad either. But what if that process was never meant for you in the first place?

Staying on KDP started to feel like how staying on social media always felt for me. I knew I didn’t belong there either, so every day that I continued to fire up my accounts and anxiously scroll was another day spending my time and energy in a space not meant for me.

KDP is the exact same thing.

So I’ve decided that it’s okay to go where I’m being led even though it seems a little strange. And as much as I’d like to sell my books, God’s been asking me to give them away for free.

I know.

A few months back, I was listening to a book called Angry Conversations With God. It’s a really great memoir about a Methodist woman who has to confront the fact that her image of God isn’t the true God of Scripture. She’s an actress, and there’s a part where she realizes God wants her to act “for fun and for free.” This makes her pretty upset considering she’s quite good at acting and all her friends get to be paid for it, so why not her? But she realized her path isn’t the same as everyone else’s. And that line? “For fun and for free”? It’s been plaguing me all these months.

And I know that was God speaking to me.

So I’m giving away my books in ebook form in the spirit of “for fun and for free.” I’m no longer weighed down by sales and marketing but get to do what I love and share it with some really great readers who have blessed me with their stories and struggles and have given me the opportunity to look outside myself and pray for them.

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Because story is necessary.

A while back, I started a series of testimonies that in-person and online friends sent me to publish. Life happened, so I didn’t continue the project, but recently, a good friend of mine wanted to share her story and asked me to help her with it. I suggested I lightly edit it for her and post it in this series.

It reminded me how important it is to share our stories when sharing Christ. And now that I have time devoted to my online writing ministry, I’d like to officially start this series back up again. If you have a story you’d like to share, please contact me. I can either chat with you and write your story myself as I did for this testimony, or you can write one and send it to me, and I can edit and publish it.

All I ask is that this a redemptive piece that shows how God has been walking alongside you all along, even in the times you’ve forsaken Him. Because it’s in our weakness that His glory is revealed to the world.

This week’s posts.

Like a flower breaking earth.
How self-assessment can heal your heart.

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Isaiah 41:10

© 2023 by Ericka Clay


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2 thoughts on “Embracing scary…again.

  1. I love this!! I can relate to this in a couple of ways … I got notification recently that my self-hosted site is expiring and I needed to pay a good bit to keep it active. The thing is, I hadn’t blogged hardly at all in the last 3 years. I’d spent all this time and effort trying to post content the experts say people want to drive traffic to a site that was expensive. I had to make it COUNT. I lost my love for blogging completely, and people stopped reading.
    Instead of renewing, I’m letting it go. I came back to my free WordPress blog a couple of weeks ago, and I found the freedom to PLAY and HAVE FUN. I started blogging again, and … I love it again!
    I’ve made a similar discovery with writing. I’ve been taking it so SERIOUSLY. I am a child of God. He gave me a gift. I must make it count. I must make something out of it. It’s my duty. My responsibility. Right?
    It’s all God’s.
    It’s meant to be enjoyed in a creative flow. I mean, you’ve got to put in the work. But for me, it isn’t supposed to be the serious, make-it-count-or-it-counts-for-nothing attitude I’ve had for years.
    It’s time to play. ❤️
    I can’t wait to read your books.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh wow, Natalie! Thank you so much for that and thanks for sharing. I seriously was you just like three weeks before so hello from your future self lol! I was in the same boat, taking it all so seriously, but you hit the nail on the head – this is God’s gift He’s lent to us and EVERYTHING is for His glory, not ours. When we remember that, how much easier to do the fun things we enjoy and delight in them. And how happy He must be knowing how content we are with what He’s given us. Love your outlook and praying/rooting for you! And glad I get to follow along with your blog! 🙂


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