Breaking my own heart.

Yesterday, I deleted everything. I deleted my diary and these writing updates. I felt numb and questioned why I even write.

I considered deleting my blog posts, too but just left them fearfully clinging for their lives on this website.

It wasn’t a great day.

I haven’t had one like that in a long time. Today, I feel differently. After a friend commented that she couldn’t leave a comment on my post (because I had deleted it), I realized these aren’t about me. God is using me to give comfort to others. To show that they’re not alone. To make them see things differently, maybe from a Biblical perspective for the first time.

Who am I to tell the potter that enough is enough?

I’ve talked about self-sabotage before, how I’m the queen of it. I often second-guess myself, mired down in my own incapacities. Motherhood is hard. Motherhood of a teenage daughter? Even harder. And I don’t have a long history with children, how they grow and sometimes turn on you, and how your heart has to be guarded and resolved.

Thank God for…well…God.

There was a voice yesterday, small and still. It said there will never be a point where I’m perfect enough to do this. I just have to do this. And that’s all there is to it.

So here I am, doing this, whatever this is. Writing words, recording words, breaking my own heart, and watching God get to mending it.

I am tired, so exhausted. And wondering where we go from here.

I have a feeling He’ll let me know.

For my paper people.

I thought long and hard about it, and I’m still giving away my books for free. BUT, I know there are those of us who like the smell of paper and ink, so I will be continuing to offer print copies of my books through Amazon. I have lowered the prices so be sure to check those out if you’re interested. I only offer my ebooks through my bookshop which you can access here.

This week’s posts.

The dust of ourselves.
Taking hold of my writing future.

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
– Psalm 34:18

© 2023 by Ericka Clay


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9 thoughts on “Breaking my own heart.

  1. The days I feel defeated are usually followed by days full of blessings. Perseverance and patience have been my greatest lessons in my blogging journey. ❤️ Thank you for your perseverance!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Not a single one of us is ‘qualified’ to do what we do. That’s the beauty of it. God shines out through our cracks. Thinking of and praying for you Ericka. Do you remember that time I told you one of the reasons I share my writing like I do today is because YOU gave me a platform when you asked for my testimony? Keep going. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Mary Grace! 🙂 And you’re so right. And that so blows my mind lol! I’m honored that I got to play a part in your journey of writing for God. That’s amazing to hear, friend, and the kind of thing I need to remember to keep persevering. And just so you know, you’re the whole reason I’ve gotten my act together (for the most part) and have felt compelled to keep an online writing routine. So thank you for being obedient to our Lord.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Honey you are a great writer and don’t think about the bad days because God has many good ones for you. I know from experience and I want you to know I will always be here for you. Love Grandma

    Liked by 1 person

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