Hi, my name’s Ericka, and I’m a hot mess.
I’m also a Christian.
A few nights ago at church, a member of the Celebrate Recovery service introduced himself to our group like this:
“Hey I’m Pete, and I’m addicted to porn.” And everyone was all like “Hi, Pete!,” including me who kind of just wanted to believe he’d said “corn.” But Pete the porn/corn guy was an honest kind of guy who opened his heart to us, and his five minutes on stage traversed everything from his marriage crippling addiction to his missionary work overseas.
And I thought about that for a second, how a person is more than a filter, a photo.
So I thought I’d share this one and offer the little bits of truth I tend to store where nobody can see:
I’ve suffered from depression, anxiety, body dysmorphia, exercise bulimia, night terrors, sleep paralysis, and unwanted astral projection.
Those last three happened together for months, and I thought I was going to have to be committed.
Then one night I gave my life to Christ, asking him to save me from the dark. And the next evening? Blissful sleep.
But I’m still imperfect. I’m weak. I love with a full heart and can hate in an instant. I obsess over each and every line in my face, and think I’m old and ugly.
God thinks I’m beautiful, and I pray each night that I can accept this as enough.
It’s a lot to throw out there and watch it spiral uncontrollably through the interwebs. But I want to be more Pete, less me.
More grace, less guilt.