I wear black and gray and sometimes navy blue when I’m feeling a tad festive. I blame the fact that I wore a uniform for thirteen years, but I also like to say I wear the colors of my soul.
Kidding, not kidding.
There’s always a dichotomy within me. And I’m so keyed into it that I worry how far away from other people I really am. Do other people feel their sin with raw fingertips, the touch just a bit too irritating to the point of constantly overworking it in their minds?
I’m gonna go with, “Are you feeling okay?”
No, apparently not.
It’s been a rough season for all involved. We’ve all been thrown around like a loose sack of marbles, and I feel we’re held captive in either two categories: those who have suffered and those who have watched the suffering.
It’s a mental merry-go-round. It’s a cannon, one spark away from exploding. The world as we know it is no longer the world. It’s a sinister slithering in our ears.
As believers, we’re not to make friends with this world. It’s something I lose sight of from time to time. Not that I’m going to cash in my chips and make plans to head out to Mardi Gras any time soon. But I sometimes get a foothold in my chaos, and I like to watch it order itself into place, if only for a tenuous minute. But then, like everything else, it falls and washes away.
The only true, real, and forever thing in all of this is God. No matter how hard we work the details to fit our own perspective and understanding, God will never faill us but everything else will. Everything else will fade away and all that will remain is the glorious face of God.
I find nothing depressing in that. If anything, it’s the only true answer I can rest my heart on. Because I don’t understand the bleak landscape, the cold and distant colorless colors that I choose to wear sometimes. I can’t explain my hardworn devotion and then the weak attempt at following what I sometimes don’t even want to follow.
But I can bet my life on the always was and always will be. On the true and beautiful thing that shines light on my damp and darkened threads.
I can bet my life on the fact that as I think, so I am. But more importantly, so is He.