I get gross sometimes.

The other day after church, I left in a pretty pitiful mood. My heart was a little dark because of how I perceived certain situations. I put on my “woe is me” hat. Here is Ericka, ever in the background, helping and volunteering and praying for people only to get knocked around a bit.

Just admitting that feels like I need to take a shower.

“Do you see me?” is something I always feel like shouting because I can’t tell you how many times I ask about somebody else or bring up something they’ve mentioned to me to show that I care, and yet? Not too many people ask about me, what I’ve got going on.

In fact, I think a lot of people tend to forget my name.

BUT.

And there’s always a “but.”

God does a great job of knocking me off my high horse. I love reading the prophets. I hate that they struggled but I love it, too, because their lives comfort my soul. God asked them to do huge things and a lot of the time? Yeah, absolutely no recognition. In fact, in Elijah’s case, there was just a bunch of young ruffians making fun of him, shouting “Go up, you bald head!” and here was a dude that was taken into heaven in a flaming chariot.

I mean…WHO. IN. THE. HECK. do I think I am??

The point is never other people. In fact, the point should be Jesus in all of this. The point should be God our father who gives us breath. The point should be the Holy Spirit who has to sit in the gunk inside us yet is still willing to help us steer our ships.

The point is that I love my brothers and sisters and that’s why it hurts so much. And I’m not good with hurt. I’m good with throwing up my middle finger and giving you a look that would make your heart freeze.

Pre-Christian Ericka was a little horrifying.

BUT…and there it is again. I have to have the tools to keep going and endure this race. Because Satan will even use the ones I love to hold my own heart against me.

And I’ll be darned if I ever let him win.

So if you’ve been trampled on, don’t retalitate, not even in your head for it blackens your soul.

Instead, think of that beautiful chariot of fire, that amazing God who sweeps us up and out of ourselves and completely into His peace for loving His children even when they don’t love us.

I have a feeling He knows a thing or two about something like that.