Exchanging man’s approval for God’s.

Galatians 1:10 has been hitting home this week. From determining the best way to share these diary entries to deciding the intentional steps I need to take to be a true servant of Christ, I’ve been doing a lot of internal searching and a lot of external praying for God’s guidance.

Click play to hear my heart.

© 2023 by Ericka Clay

Listen to all my diary entries here.


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My mental health journey as a Christian writer.

I had a rough weekend. My battle with depression, anxiety, and body dysmorphia reared its ugly head again, and I was caught spiraling. However, God is so good. Through His Word and His people, my heart healed quickly after this last episode, and I wanted to share the importance of being open and honest with our mental health struggles for the sake of the Church.

Also, I talk about how this podcast is no longer a podcast, and how I’ll really need your help to keep sharing these messages with those who need them.

Click play to hear my heart.

© 2023 by Ericka Clay


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Taking hold of my writing future.

I don’t have everything figured out. But as I study God’s word and remove distractions from my life to hear His voice, I’m met with absolute peace, including when it comes to my writing career.

I share next steps for my books and also talk about the ways God has been moving through my life recently.

Click play to hear my heart.

© 2023 by Ericka Clay

Listen to all my diary entries here.

Mentioned in this episode…
The Bible Recap
The Message

You might also like…
Writing in the desert.


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How self-assessment can heal your heart.

I have problems. You’ve probably realized this by now. But I do think one of the greatest gifts God’s given me is the ability to self-assess my motives.

Self-assessment leads to understanding God’s conviction, then to confession, which leads to repentance. It’s a hard act of uncovering the wrongs in our hearts. But it’s a crucial tool to feel Christ’s peace.

Click play to hear my heart.

© 2023 by Ericka Clay

Listen to all my diary entries here.

You might also like…
Why the act of submission has made me a better writer.


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Making changes, finding routine.

I’m making a major life change that is making me feel better, body, mind, and soul.

I also talk about routines. Why they’re important and how they’ve helped equip me mentally as a mom, wife, and writer.

Click play to hear my heart.

© 2023 by Ericka Clay

Listen to all my diary entries here.

Mentioned in this episode…
http://todoist.com/features


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From beginning to end.

I’m feeling clipped and left in the pile,
only hoping to be whittled,
or used for some sort of decorative
mantle piece that will gather dust
and spiders,
but suddenly I’m lifted high,
and I can feel Your face like the sun.
The root in me is the root in You,
and all is deepened and brought water
and learns to rest, then grow,
an undulating dance of branch
against vine.
And all I ever thought I was is merely kindling
for the fire,
but all I ever am in You is everything from beginning
to end.

© 2023 by Ericka Clay


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The blood God pulsed in our veins.

We’re children, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that we learn to dance, more specifically, the polka. Why the polka? It’s not really a question we ask because we all very well know we go to a Polish Catholic school and the question is somewhat akin to “Why breathe?”

Marcie’s grandparents teach us how. Full disclosure: her great-aunt and her grandmother married her great-uncle and her grandfather…or some combination of the four. I can never keep them straight in my head. I just remember warm smiles and whole histories that are often lost on us early ’90s kids. I just remember them being kind, and I suppose that’s the most important thing I could ever remember.

I’m paired with my best friend, Alex, who is a boy and has to be led correctly due to this impediment. But then I quickly learn that it’s Alex who is supposed to be leading me, and after a quick break for me to giggle at this insanity, I’m then led around by someone who feels like bird bones in my hand but who has always beat me rollerblading regardless.

I’m then paired with Patrick and I think even one time Gregory who kissed me on the back of the head in kindergarten, setting off an explosive desire to have him arrested for his poor decision-making and lack of regard for my personal space.

We 1-2-3–our feet quick and agile–during designated school time, and I don’t even think it’s during recess. I think we get both recess and this absurd exercise that doesn’t at all seem absurd when it functions as a sense of one’s history.

We eventually go to “the competition.” Other kids are dancing, too, but I don’t remember them doing the polka. I think perhaps they were ripping off dances from other people’s cultures and using them as an excuse to try and win first place.

Not us.

We danced the way Marcie’s grandparents taught us because there are people buried behind the old school house in the cemetery where people we know still go to be buried. We dance because of all the black and white and sepia photos of people unsmiling that we’ve seen since that first regrettable year of kindergarten when Gregory usurped my dominion over my very own skull.

I often think of the blood God pulsed in our veins, and the community that grew because of it, and how grateful I’ve always been to do something nobody else can or ever really cares about.

And I’m not even Polish.

© 2023 by Ericka Clay


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Upon the hot earth.

In all the world,
there was only one man
like Jonah,
who knew Your voice so well,
he came to ignore it,
and even in the belly of that
great big fish—
tree days, rotting and stinking
in the acidic waters,
crying out to the Lord
who wanted only to giveth,
while he longed only to take away—
he emerged at the feet of a people
he declared as rotten as the stink
in that stomach, and only had a heart
for the plant that gave him shade.

Of all the people, I link hearts with the prophets,
how great Thou art, and how great the journey,
the message.
How great the need and great the desire.
But like Jonah, how I’m spit out upon the hot
earth, eyes opened to the boiling sun,
wondering about the who behind the why,
wnd is it worth it,
wnd where’s a leaf when you need one.

© 2022 by Ericka Clay


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