Spoon

I’m
Just
Afraid
My brain
Will
Eat
And rot
Me hollow
So I spoon
It clean
To watch
You glean
All the other
Wings
In me
I never
Gave
Room
To
Grow.  -e.c.

Dear Ava,

running away letter

DEAR AVA,

I hope
This
Finds
You well and
The kids
And Jack
Are safe
And happy
And set
To swimming
In the beautifully
Blue pool.
The picture
Was lovely.
It looks
Like a long
Shard of glass
And that bird
Reflected,
Hovering up high
Reminded me of the one
That swooped
And ate your
Newborn butterflies
That hatched
From that kit
I bought you.
I should have
Paid more attention
But butterflies
Are a nasty thing
To own.
How’s the cat
And that gerbil
That I’m always
Afraid the cat
Will eat?
Is Lucille
Still eating
Her fingernails
Like you always used
To do and might still?
Funny, the dedication
taken
To shredding
And imbibing ourselves.
I’m well.
The postman
Asked the other
Day
About your father
And I said, “Still Dead,”
But no smile on his face.
What a waste because
He looks a little
Like
Dicaprio in Gatsby
And a smile
Would do him good.
Me, too, I guess.
But not to get down
And out.
Have to keep the spirits
Up.
Have to keep on keeping on.

Sometimes, I talk to God
And dare him to listen.

I have to get on
Now
And I know
You’re busy with the
Glass shard pool
And Jack and the kids
And all the minutes
That feel
Like hours
Until your glass has
Spilled
And all you see
Is your damp
Eye hovering
From
above.

Nice to Meet You

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Let’s start out Friday with an #introduction shall we?

My name is Ericka Clay, and I’m a traditionally published author (contemporary fiction) and long time poet (since like 6th grade, y’all). I oversee a department where I work (no getting specific since this is the interwebs) and love working with people (something I couldn’t say a year ago). What changed? Well, after years of anxiety, depression and night terrors I asked Christ to take the fracking wheel and now I sleep like a baby.

Thank you Jesus!! I was the last person on earth who thought she would ever be a Christian but after this experience, I fully understand that Christianity isn’t combing your hair and pretending your perfect on Sundays. It’s continually being a sinner but knowing God has granted you grace and forgiveness and all you want to do is pour that love out onto others.

So that’s what I’m doing, one word at a time.

Shout out to my amazingly creative daughter and my BFF husband and his super strong faith that builds up my own.

And shout out to you peeps. I know some of us are having a rough week, but have heart, my dears. WE are the change the world needs and YOU have the power to show your kind heart off to the world. ❤️🌎 And I can’t wait to see it shine.

Oh and one last shout out to our veterans on #veteransday! It takes incredible courage and strength to lay down your life for another. We appreciate you!!! #tgif #potd #poetsofinstagram #poetsofig #fridayintroductions #fridayintroduction #poet #thankyou #god #christian #lovegod #loveothers #christianpoet #christianpoetry #christianpoems via Instagram http://ift.tt/2eZ8gN0

Narcissus

  

Three

  
Today, I’m celebrating an anniversary of sorts. Three months since I’ve given my life to Christ and have stopped suffering from a multitude of issues.

Let me set the scene: in November, I was having one of my usual evenings, struggling with paralyzingly night terrors and hoping I wouldn’t wake up again wanting to kill myself (you know, typical girl stuff) when I told God, “I leave it up to you. You guide me and show me the way out of this.” Something weird happened the next night: I slept. Soundly.

I know something amazing happened and I know it’s because for the first time in my life, I prayed for God’s will. Not my own.

I used to like to believe that I was a badass who was in control of her life but I’m pretty sure my depression and crippling anxiety kind of gave away the fact that control was never apart of the equation. I don’t think in terms of control now but in terms of love, and man, this kind of life is so freeing.

Granted, it’s not always easy. People are way more comfortable when I talk nonsense like stalking Dave Coulier and keying people’s cars because the truth is a scary thing, especially if it’s new for you. But don’t be afraid of it. Don’t be afraid to embrace it and speak it. Because people might think you’ve suddenly fallen off your rocker. But little do they know, you’ve always been free falling in the first place.

And now there’s solid ground beneath my feet and my gaze is towards the sun.

Hearts

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“I saw our lives like a flash bulb light…”

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DAUGHTER

When we were on

The bridge

I saw our lives

Like a flash bulb

Light

And God’s

Great hands nowhere

To be seen.

Your scream was

Set to the tune of

My angry fingers

Seeking revenge on

A wheel that could

Rip us infinite,

Scraps of metal

And concrete

Like a beautiful cosmos

Built by no maker.

“Take her away” was

Written on my mind.

But I ask you now,

Who else was there

Elbowing out that inky

Phantom

And its silk-strung voice

And the bursting nebula

That lit my pupils

Like your smile

Lights my heart?

How to Heal a Broken Heart

prayer

All my life, I knew I was going to be SOMETHING.

Something great. Something wonderful. Something rich and something famous and something so intellectually on point, I would lightly stab the world between the eyes.

“Here I am, World. Eat your heart out.”

You know what I’ve been doing lately? I’ve been praying for people. I’ve been praying for our family.

I’ve completely removed my tumored heart from this ruthless world, and I’ve never felt better.

How does a woman of this world focus less on BEING something and devote herself to DOING something?

Prayer, you guys. It all comes down to prayer.

In the past, I’ve been what you would call a “casual” pray-er. If an anxiety attack comes on, God’s the first dude I call. If my plane is doing the turbulence dance, I’m all over the prayer stuff. If anyone I love has a suspicious looking mole on their cheek and even if it only turns out to be a sprinkle from their cupcake, I’ll pray so hard, I’ll forget to eat my own cupcake. (But then I eventually will eat it because it’s a cupcake. Duh.)

But for the longest time, prayer wasn’t necessarily something I sought to do on a regular basis, nor was it a thing that I believed actually worked. Really, it was just a way to focus my mind on something so worry wouldn’t gnaw a hole in my stomach.

So I never really thought of prayer as something powerful, something that could really change your life because God isn’t some genie in the sky who blinks and grants your every wish. And I’m right, He’s not.

But He’s love. He’s the connection between your heart and mine. And when we pray with intention for another human being instead of our own selfish needs and wants, we’re helping to connect those we’re praying for to God and wrap them in his warm embrace.

I know this because it happened to me.

I went from caring only about MYself, MY accomplishments, MY tush sitting on a chair next to Oprah so I could drone on and on about some bestseller I just penned and the way MY hair would look on camera to caring about others, their lives, their beautiful souls.

How did this change happen??

Prayer.

A few family members prayed for me and kept praying for me even when I insisted The Secret was the true religion, and if I focused hard enough, I’d be able to have more than my fair share of Oprah in my life…and a BMW…and maybe a few more cupcakes. But my family never stopped praying because they understood that His love is what I needed in my life. Not the glittery yet transient things that kept catching my eye.

It’s funny how I gave more credence to people and things and entire ways of thinking than I gave to God.

But when you live in this ill-stricken world, the one that cares more for Oprah, BMWs, and cupcakes than truth, it’s hard not to become a suffering patient right along with it.

So how about a little activity? I heard about an organization called CURE International that would greatly appreciate our prayers. They help A LOT of people and they fully understand that they’re an active representation of God’s love in this world.

Just click here to pray for these people. There’s even a prayer guide that you can download that will help your heart find the right words.

God never abandoned me, you guys. I abandoned him. But he’s in my life now because I’ve finally allowed him to be.

And he’s there for you, too. Just let him hear your heart. Let him hear your prayers.